was looking through blogs just now. some just bring back so much memories.

gave up so much for the sake of others. am i doing the right thing? do i have a choice?

pretty pissed about my family. just so pissed off.

cause i know that nothing is easy and i wont make promises i cant keep.

i hate being home. feelings just flood back, memories just flow back. Sadness, loneliness, happy times that i went through the past year all just came back. Good things dont last long. i just cant stop thinking. Man are weak. its over between the both of us. im not good enough for her. she'll find another better person and be happier. since i ended it why cant i stop thinking. im trash. so not worthy. since i ended it why cant i stop thinking. Man are always bothered by world. haha

How fast secondary school ends. Still remember the first day i stepped into canberra secondary unwilling. not knowing anyone. Im just the small, timid, fat boy by the corner. 4 years passed in a flash. im thankful for the chances and changes He did and gave me within these years. unfortunately i didnt really cherish them, took them for granted. what a wretch i am. Its only when im in sec 3 my life took a 360 turn. First love, first heart break, first leadership role in school and church, start of serving in worship band and many more. hah bascially everything changed at the age of 15. still remember the first time we smsed and talked. hah its over jacob, on the month of june last year 2004. haha i cant believe it. a fool madly in love. then the events came. could be read from my blog. go check it out yourself. everything ended on 30/11/2005, the day before youth camp. I guess the way i look at things changed. Whatever guo bin, david and valerie were discussing yesterday, hah they are so bothered by the world. admit I was once like them. haha. Man without God is nothing. God plays such an important part in each and everyone of us. still in the process of kicking everything away. i want return to my oldself. the one boy who wasnt bothered by the world before. not being arrogant but in some ways the old me was better than the new. hah.

as mentioned. im not opening up again. the door is closed, locked. key is being thrown away. this is my resolution. will be writing more of my 2006 resolutions soon. shall end here.

waking up everyday lying to myself saying its gonna be a beautiful day. Sadly it has never been ever since that day. i hate myself for not being able to forget. i know i'll never will. Went to places today. Memories flashed back. Watched King kong. Wont say it's really that fantastic.
Read through my blog. So much has happened. A year almost over. Ending in 6 days. Still remember vividly what was i doing this time of year last year. Secondary school life ends here. Time sure moved way fast this year. "Good things dont last long." Hands up for this phrase. How ironic. The year ending so quickly, so does everything. Knowing i wont see her again. One day looking back at everything, feeling foolish and stupid. haha really feel like slapping myself.
I wont fall into the same pit again. Im closing, locked. Threw the key away. Im not opening up again. hah. My turn to draw.
First 3 months guess i'll be working, devote myself into guitar and His work. So much to do yet so little time.Ending here. Will blog again.

tried playing my guitar. Fingering and chord changing seems to become alot slower. Looks like my playing is deterioting. So does the friendship. guess i wouldnt be posting much anymore. its going to be busy for the upcoming month and new year.

good bye.

bad trip. got cheated by tour guides, attiudes shown by childish uncle, fell sick on the last few days. i'll never lay a foot in China again.

frustrating when you cant forget.

Being slapped back into the real world by reality. im just living in a world of illusions. How much i wished.

did many stupid things i would say this week like laming around in toysarus. shant go into dtails. bye

back from youth camp, attended prom on camp's last day.

Youth camp was awesome. The presence of God was strong. Many things happened, shant go in details but it was great. It was a camp that we didnt have a program list up. Everything went by the will of God's. It was great, better than the previous camps we had. We didnt have games. Spent most of our time worshipping, fellowshipping, sharing. Did street evangelism on one of the days. Second time but im still having cold feet. hah. Got to know better of many people i would say. Received gifts, blessings. Received healing especially. The joy of the Lord is my strength.
The day before camp had overnight prayer. Finally broke down. Everything that i tried to withold just came out. Sigh im sorry. I got to say im treating you like a toy. Saying things than tried to make up again. Im sorry girl. Sigh. I guess its too much to ask when i said if i could be back by your side. I just dont wish to let it end. I'll bear the responsibilty then..

After camp had prom. Went to my aunt's shop to dye my hair. The highlight she did a few weeks ago vanished. She did red this time. Interesting colour. hah. Prom was good. Everyone was looking good, beautiful. Though not much people from our class came, still had a good time. Even so it was slightly saddening. Cherished those time. Only you know. Took many pictures but all of them arent from my camera. Got to scout for pictures later.hah. thats all i guess.