beauty for ashes

Thursday, December 29, 2005

cause i know that nothing is easy and i wont make promises i cant keep.

i hate being home. feelings just flood back, memories just flow back. Sadness, loneliness, happy times that i went through the past year all just came back. Good things dont last long. i just cant stop thinking. Man are weak. its over between the both of us. im not good enough for her. she'll find another better person and be happier. since i ended it why cant i stop thinking. im trash. so not worthy. since i ended it why cant i stop thinking. Man are always bothered by world. haha

How fast secondary school ends. Still remember the first day i stepped into canberra secondary unwilling. not knowing anyone. Im just the small, timid, fat boy by the corner. 4 years passed in a flash. im thankful for the chances and changes He did and gave me within these years. unfortunately i didnt really cherish them, took them for granted. what a wretch i am. Its only when im in sec 3 my life took a 360 turn. First love, first heart break, first leadership role in school and church, start of serving in worship band and many more. hah bascially everything changed at the age of 15. still remember the first time we smsed and talked. hah its over jacob, on the month of june last year 2004. haha i cant believe it. a fool madly in love. then the events came. could be read from my blog. go check it out yourself. everything ended on 30/11/2005, the day before youth camp. I guess the way i look at things changed. Whatever guo bin, david and valerie were discussing yesterday, hah they are so bothered by the world. admit I was once like them. haha. Man without God is nothing. God plays such an important part in each and everyone of us. still in the process of kicking everything away. i want return to my oldself. the one boy who wasnt bothered by the world before. not being arrogant but in some ways the old me was better than the new. hah.

as mentioned. im not opening up again. the door is closed, locked. key is being thrown away. this is my resolution. will be writing more of my 2006 resolutions soon. shall end here.

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