wee..got a new skin..a simple one..haha..nt yet done all the changes..soon i guess..

school..was ok today i guess..had 2.4 run in the morning..haha..i improved my timing tremedously :D..after nxt was phy test..screwed it..same goes to chem test in the afternoon..and tht mrs pang..she's rubbish..crap..nonsense..she complains she doesnt have anytime to teach and yet she's laming with jacob in class the whole dae..she stops lesson early 20 mins just to lame around n talk..today she's full of crap..and another person in class too..was doin lking at corrections frm another bk and i was said copying work..crap crap crap..she said some other nonsense abt me too..spastic..learned of a shocking news too..nv expected it..

sigh..am i dreaming?sigh..i leave it all to God..

rather enthu on the upcoming guitar training vincent had for me..started saving to get a japanese telecaster..haha..

what have i done to deserve all this from her?sigh..

went to church for so call "training" today during band prac..was supposed to learn something frm the guitarists..but i didnt..had tuition later on..came home..downloaded some anime n started slackin..i've got nth to say anymore..bye

humans are indeed humans..hahahahaa..
sigh..why things turn out to be this way?haha..i wont say im nt jealous..hahaa..humans..im so patheic to such a stage..
Bascially January is goin to end..time passes way to fast..haah.School?i kinda hate goin to school now..hah..this weekend is goin to be a busy one..so much to do..sigh..

hmm..have been under alot of stress lately..so much to do yet so little time..prep for part A camp seems to turn out fine..was afraid that it wouldn't turn out smoothly..hopefully the camp itself would be a success..sigh.
school is ok i guess..dun wish to say much..homewrk..have been trying to cope with it..too busy..tests are comin soon..

argh!!im an idiot!!i have make matters worse between us!!ARGH.....

AW$T*YAW T*Q#$YBW$efaewiuag4t9q8hg305qAW$#TW$)%YIqv3 04^TW$u%E)^UB)WU$ W)#$T)WUV#)$^YBU)$EUY$E)^SBU&)$EUT)U#@T )WYKHDGOFHMEFONGSEPERNYWPE$O^HYW)Y%U%)HU%W#YUHRESPYHJESHERJHPAER(JGA(U$YTW(U#T)WAEUGSREPOGJRESHPSJW#U%Q)$#U%@#POJTSEP$JGS:REHJ#ATjw450ygepsrgyWE%Yj4w5yH#SAWY%$WaYsw45sh4wuR%Yw%yww%u8%^Jrei%&67*&4HArutW$5U74e^e%&ik*okyta@#%q%egrdyjjrkj(*&y)je%&# %q@#%tdtyZDRHXFTJHfygjdfghszdftq26r587E&e6q3$3q46357w457W&%#&%%##&#ue65iuyhfktyUW$&%45e86596i5895re5uredU^5885e5yw36tQ@#&#$(*&&_+*IRD%SA$T%#W&YR%*&^(&%*E

i finally realised wat i am afraid of..im afraid tht i dun have much time left..and i wld lose her..sigh..help..

to start frm small..even the smallest thing is so hard to achieve..but try..

hmm..i have said watever i have kept for years..wahaa =P..hope tht no one is offended by wat i wrote..but i think some ppl wld..sorry..

Sunday
joan, eda and me were sharing quite alot of things about our church youths..its pretty heart breaking tht the youths are kind of not united and stuff..and they tend to leave ppl out..their attitude isnt really that gd either..
my cell group..sometimes i really wished that my cell group people are more united..cell group to me is like just a normal stupid gathering thts all..afterwhich when cg ended everyone goes their own separate ways..not contacting each other or wat so ever..its like a cell group doesnt exist at all..when i look my older brother's cg i kind of envy them..their bond is so strong..they are able to share their problems..talk..laugh and practically they are almost togethr everyday enojoying cg time together..my cell..none of this is happening..when i look at other churches cg too..their bond with each other is so strong too..sometimes i really wish i have someone to talk to..some people are telling me to share it with cg..can i?its useless..its only me and eda
but the older ones arent really gd..bascially i got all of my cousins in the same church..they tend to leave out the younger ones..esp to their own cousins..me and eda..bascially they dun really knows us even though we have been seeing each other pretty often..why?because my older cousins and older brother have gel together leaving us out..my own cousins and brother..we did not even have a gd talk before with them before..its so heart breaking..cousins in the same church..hahah..wats the use?eda tot of changing church before..the truth is i have thought about it before..even though i grew up in ecf..wats the use if im nt really growing..i have such a cg..the youths are like this..my cousins too..wats the use..i thought too..which church can i go to..
friends..as i said..sometimes i wish that i have someone to talk to share and stuff..yes..i used to share with her quite alot of things..but now..i dun..i really wish that i could again..but..sigh..sometimes i really wish that i have a grp of friends i can really click with in school n in church..school..who can i really be with?in school that grp of boys?i cant..for sometimes their actions aint gd..who else is there?in church?bascially noone..other then me n eda.. looking other ppl's friendship..haha..sigh..
i sick and tired of being alone..my life have been very lonely..i am bascially almost 24/7 at hm..no one to go out with or talk to..didnt really know my friends well cause i have never gone out with them before or really talk to them..then she came into my life.we started talking..iwas very happy then..someone to talk to..life was more interesting then..afterwhich we kind of stop talking..i was damn upset..gone..
life has like no meaning at all..home all day..study..computer..tv..noone to talk to..noone askin me out..argh..im sick of it..my feeling of loneliness..haha..no one will understand..i did try to talk to others..but its like..words fail me..

sigh..i have more to say..but i dun know how to go on any further..its just so heart breaking..sigh..

guess what..my stupid mouse is spoilt..argh..using the keyboard to control right now..sigh..

didnt really get to talk to her much today..sigh..nv sms her too..thought tht she might be busy..was thinking on some things too..but cant think too much..hah

well..spent the morning slacking..afternoon abit of work till the night for tuition..had dinner near heartland mall..afterwhich came back home..slack..cant stay like tis anymore..muz work work work..

All i want is you

I've waited all my life to be here face to face.
I never knew that I could feel this kind of grace.
The way You show me that Your blood has washed me clean,
Could never be erased; it lives inside of me.

Take me to that secret place,
Where I can only see Your Face,
And nothing else will ever feel this way.
You take away my guilty stains,
The things I've done that I can't change,
It's only by the Power of Your name.

I stand here in this place,
See the Glory on Your Face,
Taken by the wonder of Your name.
I'm desperate for Your touch,
Never needed it so much,Cause all I want is You.

When all the things around me have fallen to the ground
I'm always thankful for the love in You I've found.

hah..im happy..yet..oh well..nvm..
i wanna go out to get my strings tml but im broke..my pocket has a large hole in it rite now..sigh..

another day..another beginning..school today was alright i guess..after school we celebrated guanting's birthday at the canteen..damn..faizal n yi zhou threw powder all over my face n body..thanks to them..i nv really ate my lunch as the powder fell into my food..after cutting cake n stuff..had cca..went to macritche tree top walk today..was kinda boring..after which went back to school..had muster parade then went to had dinner at mac in sunplaza..at mac..mr james treated all canberra sec students in mac ice cream..great..faizal n the rest decided to play with it..faizal, yizhou and wei kiat took the ice cream n started making guanting's face..wahaha wat a comical sight..later they started disturbing yvonne..wei kiat..and me..while i wasnt looking..yizhou took thew ice cream n stuff up my face..oh well..two times in a row by him..

sigh..missed the chance to msg her just now when was goin to sp..was hesitating..in the end i didnt..argh..wats happening to me??

sigh..cant helping thinking things aint the same anymore..i shouldnt have lied..yes its her..its all abt her..i am a fool..why did i lie..why i cant tell her..i can't seem to like have a conversation with her now..its like so different..so hard to start one..i dont know wat to say anymore unlike in the past..why..i dont know..sigh..i didnt want to let go..and its all my fault tht it came to tis stage.. solely mine..so much to say..yet..

glen and ted's song has been a great encouragement to me..hah decided to write a song based on the verse simone lao shi gave me during youth camp..so yeah..got to get help frm glen..waha..

so many unexpected things happen to me..wahaha..i didn't really expect them to happen..i shall leave it all to God..

disappointment is all i have in some ppl..do they have to say those things..act tht way?im so disappointed..they are acting kinda childish..esp someone..im so disappointed..the person is a christian yet she is acting like this and trying to stir things up..what if someone does that to u??how will u feel??u would be fuming mad wouldnt u??utter disappointment is all i have now in my friends..im just gonna shut up and try to stop things from happening..i shldnt have give in to her like that..its as if im supporting them..i know whats right whats wrong..i have my own stand..i dont have to help them..in the end losing friends..i would not care what others say about me later..its so childish..words fail me now..its just pure disappointment i have now..

Zzz..woke up pretty late tis morning..reached church at abt 930..usual worship n sermon..then had lesson..after which had lunch oppsite church..didnt eat..just drank..went back abt 115 for band meeting..meeting start at around 145 n ended at 420..went to orchard after the meeting with vida..bought my crumpler bag..woohoo..$169..not i pay one.. :p reached hm about 7 had dinner..another wk is gone just like that..time is goin way too fast..oh well sch starts tml..thts all i guess..byee

damn it..im damn freaking pissed..have been controlling..argh..

Zzzz..was really tired this few days..cant use the com too..but still i manage to..hahha..hmm..somethings happen which i did not expect it to..but..its all in His hands..oh well..thats all..ciaoz..

ok..sch's reopening tml..sigh..i dun wanna go back..after wat happen..sigh..n im goin to die..my hair fringe is so freaking long..im sure im goin to be caughtand i guess i cant use the com much anymore..damn..Zzz..oh well..

hah..im back..have been lazy to blog..

yesterday..31-12-2004
well..spent the whole day out with guo bin and jun hao..went to watch kungfu hustle then we went bowling..in the nite went back to church for a youth service.Sadly the turnout was pretty bad..word has not been spread around i guess..i knew about it last min too..service was good..we worship, ppl sharing their feelings about the tsunami tht hit asia..alrite..its indeed a blessing that we are able to live..thru simone lao shi..God told us that we are the chosen ones..we must spread the word..i not good with words..its somewhat like that..then did countdown..worship again..stayed over in church..many ppl went hm..left me, daniel , glen , gerald and my brother..sat down shared many things and daniel begin to talk about his life in army..haha..was pretty funny..left church at around 6 plus the nxt morning..came hm bathe and sleep..

todae..1-1-2005
didnt sleep much..woke up at 10..haha..had about 3 hrs of slp only..cldnt slp..spent the whole dae watching tv and computer..haha..goin to my hw later..hah
ok new year resolution
-worshipping God thru music..join a.s.k
-score well in o lvl
-spread the gospel
-many many more!!

thts all i guess..ciaoz