bad bad day. Woke up feeling pissed. I really mean pissed. In the wee morning hours my mum just got to on the radio. The damn bloody noisy radio. Always.. how many times already.. 6 plus she switch it on the to its loudest. Argh.. i woke up at 7 like that. Tried to sleep i cant. There she was singing loudly. Around 8 it still went on. I went and switch the radio off. Argh. Whole morning spoiled. Feeling really pissed and tired. But i couldnt sleep. Affected my mood for the day. Feeling grumpy. Barked at my brother.

It rained in the afternoon. Hmm it was rather calm and soothing. the dark and gloomily days..the threat of misforture...u can let yrself drown in unhappiness.

Bascially i accomplished nothing today. Teacher told me that my english has been declining for the past few weeks. Sigh. Playing maple..bye

SE.. jumped. praised. but everything just went down after.. details i do not wish to say. i'll say it came down quicker than it went up. this is the result of a trash. in the end it wouldnt be me.. it would be him. another. im worthless.

life seems to be a messy. staying alive seems to be a chore. i think i need some kind of anger management. Though i rarely show my temper to others.. but there are times when i flare up, things arent that looking good. sigh. somethings i must learn. Argh. its tormenting me. hah. Bought the new hillsongs cd God he reigns ytd. Some of the songs are from united cd look to you. Well overall it aint that bad. hah. stop here.

what went through my mind today has never been as real to me.

where's the Aaron who was never really bothered by worldly desires.
where's the Aaron who never felt heart breaks.
where's the Aaron who used to truly enjoyed worship.
where's the Aaron who enjoys cg sessions.
where's the Aaron who used to enjoy school.
where's the Aaron who is able to control himself well.
where's the Aaron who was never bothered by other's thinking.
where's the Aaron who is free from his thoughts.
where's the Aaron who doesnt even need to bother about many things.
where's the Aaron who is truly happy in his heart.
where's the Aaron who is truly free.
where's the Aaron who is happy go lucky.

where is he? where is he? where is he? He's dead. dead.

i doubt my abilities. I am not the so call smart Aaron that teachers, friends and family thought me to be. Im NOT. i emphaise NOT. I dont have the potential. No i do not. I doubt i am able to enter the jc i wanted to -SAJC. Getting into 4e1 studying triple science is just the help from God.I did nothing.Nothing at all. God just put me there. Its all just an illusion. Potential? bullshit. intelligent? rubbish. Accept the fact that im stupid, a failure, good for nothing. Dont get your hopes too high up. Im not who i am make out to be. Im just a puppet who is just being used by others. worthless.

Was late for prac in the morning. argh.. overslept. Service was alright i presumed. Cg i dont know.. something has to be done and quick. I must change too. sigh. Had lunch.. slacked in church after which visited my grandmother. Home was next. Did nothing when i came home.. slept, woke up eat and read. Thank God the flu was gone but the cough still lingers. Its getting worser by the min. haiz.

Sleeping now

blog blog blog. Looks like almost everyone i knew were blogging. It seems that it was the latest craze now, even newspapers were promoting blogs. ha.

hectic week. Not feeling well since monday. I dont seem to be recovering at all. Sob sob. Had band prac today. Didnt hear the songs that were to be sung tml before. Weird, it's Uncle jia shun who is leading tomorrow. haha. Having been playing maple, kinda addictive. must stop! shall stop.. nothing to post anymore. bye

should be studying and i found myself here blogging. tsk tsk.

have been feeling feverish since monday. Sore throat.. and it's getting no where better.Hmm failed my chem practical test.. as expected. couldnt really concentrate on doin the test. In the end got frustrated and came up my own sets of values. Miracle that i manage to get 7 marks upon 17. Pro eh?

Prelims in about one and half months. No more time to lose. Still find myswelf rather slack though.. cant carry like this on anymore. sigh. Staying alive seems to be a chore. ha

Still waiting. praying. guitar-ing. praising. crying. mugging. mapling.

have been too lazy to blog.

Slept till like 10 in this morning. Ate, watched tv and read a book- Dan brown. Chun Si came to back with my brother as usual. Kinda pitied her.. couldnt really spent time with my brother as he was serving the country. Same thing happened to er jie too. Haha last week she complained she hadnt seen xav for like a week. San jie asked her to join us to bugis but she wanted to accompany xav. San Jie replied she too hasnt seen us for a week and why doesnt she misses us. Hah!

Speaking of which, might be considering going for clt course this dec. Hopefully it wouldnt clash with the youth camp this year. Learned that im able to return to canberra after the course. Reality kinda hit me that in 2 or 3 yrs time im joining the service too. Time flies.

Hah.About 3 plus sleep again. Didnt even touch my work. Physic test might be on Monday. Oh well. Went out, bought harry potter and the half blood prince. Hah into a reading spree again. It has been a long time since i immerse myself into a book.

Went tuition after getting the book. Teacher was talking about bullying and stuff. That was the topic of the day. Hah days in my primary just came back to me.

Was reading the daily bread a few days ago. Yeah life seems to be like a rountine to me now. Morning sch, come home eat study sleep. Again the same thing happen again the next day.. haiz. Wondered if i could get a new life on ebay. haha.

Sometimes i feel so helpless. Events just set me thinking.. all this in the end, it might be just an illusion. hah

okay.. lets see how much worse can it still get?! Morning.. tried putting on my contacts. They wouldn't go in. Spent like the longest time putting them on. School.. almost late for assembly. Break.. dropped my milo. Shoe was stained. Didnt bother to pick the cup up.. in state of shock. Walked away. Was freaking hungry. Not myself today again. Rubbish. The guys went causeway after school.. i didnt follow went sp to have lunch myself. Trip home weird. Saw this toddler.. kept shaking his head when his mum's hp ringtone rang. It was as if he was on ectasy. Cool eh?

ok.. couldnt go into worship today during service.. dont know why.Daniel spoke to me after service..oh well. My mood just seem to be low.. during cg i didnt talk at all. Wasnt really myself today. Went out with eda vida san jie and ah liang again. Bugis this time. Me and Ah liang practically went crazy. Lame is the word to describe us. After which they came to my house. Celebrated eda's birthday.. it was suppose to be nxt week thurs though.

Truly lost. Sense of direction gone. Confidence gone.

all the walls i built just came crashing down today.. was angry yet upset. i dont know what to do now. In the end, im falling real hard. Why? Why? Why? like im just a puppet.. now. are those hints or something? i dont know. Im not even sure of myself. I lost all the confidence i once had. Im back to square one.

stupid me stupid me.. sigh. wasnt thinking rite.. play maple instead of talking. sigh. i worsener things?

Watched war of the worlds today.. freaking boring. Its dumb.. stupid, lame. Where is the war? One sided war. Guess how the aliens die?Cause they breathed air! and ate human food. LAME. Wasted 7 bucks.. could have watched something better. School's tml.. oh well sigh.

ok..im back.. i dont know.. im really really down this time. Its all so weird.. so hard.. hahaa.. im an idiot. sigh. What am I ? I made matters worse?

Sat
hmm.. youth evangelical event. Awesome.. God is working in each and everyone one of the youths.. on stage back stage.. all. Many peeps accepted Christ. Such a joyous thing.Praise the Lord!

Today..
worship was alright.. another altar call. Again many accepted Christ :). God is working. Cell group after which. A fruitful lesson for me. Grace shared quite alot. After which a thanksgiving session for yesterday's event. Danced shout jumped. yeah it was fun. Went orchard with san jie vida eda and jun liang later. the girls went wheelock birketen to see some shoes.. goodness.. a pair of children slippers costed $89. Ah liang was saying, " Lets go to the great value store and buy the 50 cents slippers.' wahaha. After wheelock..went taka. Bought ice cream and stuff.. ate alot. Vida bought tiramisu for her mum. They came to my house. Dinner.. tv. Here i am. Hmm.. started playing maple. Cant believe it that im actually playing maple.. wahaha.