running away. avoiding.

had fun at chalet last night with some peeps. the room's pretty small though. in the middle of the night. there was no freaking water. argh cant bath. was pised. chalet was at downtown east btw. stupid. during the stay i had a deep cut on my left sole. cant walk proparely now though. sigh.

meet up with kenneth and other peeps at amk kpool. did nothing there. watched them playing billard. basically i wasted my life away today. hah. time to go for a jog or something. people have been commenting that im getting fatter. Zz.

some words are meant to be left unspoken.

went malaysia with rev ng and sophia's dad during the morning. went to rompin to racky the beach resorts church's intending to book for the retreat. nice scenery; environment. the serenity and the beauty of the place captured me.

practically it took 3 hrs plus to travel by car from singaopre to the location. slept during the first half of the trip there and stared into blank space on the other. on the way back slept again and woke up soon after. all of sudden i began to find myself reminiscening.

youth committee. sometimes i really got discouraged when running the youth ministry. serious matters which got to be addressed. sigh. just feel like giving up throwing my job aside. its hard to maintain, control and run. i'm not running it up to the standard which it was supposed to be.

still haven gotten over it. i realize it was deeply attached in my heart. soon it will be 3 months. still cant forget her. quietly i know i was nothing in her or rather never in the first place. but the past 2 3 years events just rewinded through my mind. happy times and the sad ones. but i know this is for the better. knowing such a loser i am. i shouldnt have grab hold. but a part of me still struggle to hold on and the other trying to let go. I'm sure she deserves better than having to partake in my miserable lifestyle. sometimes im reminding myself. "hey you're just a kid." forget and let go. give up boy it's no use you cant bring happiness,nothing started in the first place. just how ironical can i get?

daniel once told me. "dont let the inferior complexity get you." but that's the truth isnt it. there are guys outside ways better than me. in my studies i felt like im kind of a failure too. i dont understand why people still held hopes for me. they kept telling me you have already done a good job. but when i reflected the whole event.

i began asking myself. did i?

no.

bang. one day they'll finally realize what kind of failure i am.

btw i prefer this old skin of mine. cheers

O's. pretty much i can say that i'm surprised and disappointed. i didnt expect both my sci to be c6. i really didnt. in addition my emaths too. i got a b3. what the hell is that? i was expecting a 2 or 1. but the rest of the subj i hit my targets. feeling rather numb and sore now. just couldnt take the results of my science especially chemistry. everyone was pretty much surprised and disappointed too. she didnt manage to get her desired points. sometimes i know i influenced, distracted her. feeling damn guilty. my fault.

poly is my choice now. accountancy is the course. AND i knew that i couldnt get into SA. tried my best people said. sometimes i wondered. did i? its probably a no. i could have done better for sciences.

it was then i knew there was no way things would reconcile

just got back from grace's grandmother wake. hmm she's pretty upset. in approximately 14 hrs and 12 mins O's will be released. Told daniel how i have worked out my a plan if i didnt do well. prepared for the worst case scenario. haha. well i just didnt know how to take chances. argh. missed it. should have chat long. but oh well was at a wake.

I bought a bag. nike. black with some oval patterns. pretty cool. found a note she wrote me like last year feb. lol. i cant believe that it was in my wallet all along. kept it. sentimental freak.

God spoke to me again! haha. during the wake Li yun was like telling me this and that. can really tell His' speaking to me.

gonna dota now.

im back. 3 weeks my computer was down. And for the past 3 weeks i've done pretty much nothing too. BUT God spoke to me alot. hah. ok. for starters people said i've turned into a AH BENG. woohoo. how cool is that. that's something for a change. remebering how people said i have been the kuai kia. now im a ah beng. hoho. its cause of my hair la. my aunt just had to dye it blond.

running the youth ministry is not easy. being the vice-chair is pretty stressing especially when im supposed to take over next year. i cant even complete a simple task. have been thinking of giving it up. dont wish for the ministry to be broken down by me.
got a serious tongue lashing from Grace. things arent going smoothly as thought it was supposed to be. sigh. sometimes i wished i had someone to share with about this. Its gone now.

FRIDAY. o levels results. cant really say how i feel now. a bit of this and that.