im tired but who cares.. no one is able to take the job. So i take it all.

My answers came. Truth was revealed. I feel like a fool. Not that i keep thinking but it's obvious isnt it?

i dyed my hair. good bye NCC.

its understandable. its clear. there's no doubt. i know what i am supposed to do. i wont sink in anymore. no more.

Learned a great deal more from the purpose driven life book. I could never stop praising him for His wonderous works. Life's gonna changed for the next part of my days. haha.

been thinking through alot of stuff. It all felt like a dream and it didnt come true. hah. watched mighty to save dvd. power! sad thing is the cd has missed out quite a number of songs from the dvd la.

glen stayed over yesterday. kept playing dota.. mad :P.

finally took my butt out of the house and swam. haha patheic stamina. used to be able to swim 30 laps with no diffculty. now it took me so much just to swim 10 laps and the pool size was smaller. haha.

ah.. all of the sudden i had the urge to dye my hair. Meaning i dont wish to go for ncc trainings anymore. hahaha.

had a talk with uncle wen zhao today. built my faith and changed my way of how God works. pretty exciting.

i just hate it when ppl do that. i just hate it.

boy oh boy. revelations revelations. heh. i guess answer's right in front of me. no point la. work work work work! it'll keep myself away from everything else.

Convinced of my deception
I've always been a fool
I fear this love reaction
Just like you said I would

A rose could never lie
About the love it brings
And I could never promise
To be any of those things

[Chorus:]
If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be...
I would be...
I would be...
...frail

Blessed are the shallow
Depth they'll never find
Seemed to be some comfort
In rooms I try to hide

Exposed beyond the shadows
You take the cup from me
Your dirt removes my blindness
Your pain becomes my peace

sometimes i feel so lost. kinda random. whatever i do for the youth ministry, yes there is a sense of achievement but there are times i dont know why i just feel lost. like what will be the next step and do i have what it takes to take over the whole ministry next year?

so uncertain. so blank. so doubtful.

i guess i should stop being so gullible and stupid.

been busy with the youth ministry for the past week.. im pretty much satisfied with the things going on now and then except for a few minor details. actually i didnt expect much to be done during this holiday but poof it just came out.

core meeting we had was rather sian.. haha! Was very tired so fidgetted around alot. hah. Next year we'll under go some changes.. with uic going up to the YAGs. Meaning more resopnsibility. hah.

glad how God has brought this new committee through. heh. I'll do more.. definitely! hah. shall end here.

a created god is no God.

horrendous day. hah. went out door to door to give out pamphlets for en hong. have not been moving much so it's pretty tiring. hahaa.

oh yea here's a picture of the mission trippers plus some peeps who joined us on the last day. the ones in white were the trippers.


heh this is a pic where grace's signature move was used. wahaa

what a dumb post. hahaa

3 more days, im receiving my module results and im going to malaysia.. no confidence. ah expecting my gpa to be rather screwed badly.

im rotting at home. i want a job badly.

So what can I say and what could I do?

i did something really extraordinary today. so proud of myself. haha. even though it has followed me for 3 years.

it has always been my wish to lead people into worship.. into His holy of the holies. Whenever im serving on stage i always hoped the congregation would be immearsed into worshipping God with all their hearts and enjoy the worship session. But sometimes i noticed the same bunch of people wasnt really led into worshipping Him fully. pretty much discouraging..

The time when i lead people into the highest stage of worship was during cg. it was a totally unprepared worship session for me and the spirit led. I enjoyed playing during that time. How i wished whenever i was playing on stage the congregation could be filled with His spirit and worship.

btw i watched the host today. my ratings would be 8.5/10.. hah

aiya today said something so stupid. zzz. wonder why i gave that answer.

im in a state of confusion.. so unsure of what the future lies. Answers i need them.

sometimes i rather envy those who knows how to play the piano. They are able to express their feelings over the gigantic instrument which they play on. If only i could play.. i would be rushing through the and slamming on the keys right now. kinda regret the chance i missed on learning how to play it. Mom once asked me when i was rather young if i like to learn but i objected it thinking how girly it was. haha i was so immatured.

BAck from my mission trip in malaysia, JB. 31st aug till 3 sept. It was held at the area of ai qiu jie's church. woot it was definitely a great experience and it built my faith up. The way God moved is really unexpected. The purpose of our trip is to help ai qiu jie set up a youth ministry and boy we sure did.. or rather God did it. hah.

i'll just run through some details.

First day.
well i went to pasir ris to visit mrs koh. didnt went back to canberra. no point going back there as i get to see the teachers way too often. hah. after which, all of the mission trippers went to church and gathered at around 3pm. we did some packing and set off at 4 plus. reached ai jiu jie's church around 5 plus 6? we placed our stuff there and had a sumptous dinner. waha. gathered in church again and we set up the equipments and rehearsed for the evangelistic event that we are doing for the church. next would be sleep.

Second day.
we sorta evangelised to a school nearby. respond was great. And Ted became an overnight star within the youths. waha. after which we had training, worship, lunch, street e, break, rehearsal, break, dinner, rehearsal.

Third day.
went to some family center opened by christians. pretty interesting. our timetable was somewhat the same as yesterday.

Final day.
It was a sunday and attended the church's service. i know i shouldnt say this but it was boring.. seriously. Final prep for the e event. everything was good to go. i invited my classmate as he was a malaysian. i shant go into details of the event but 80% of the ppl who came accepted Christ even my friend! I was prompting him as when my reverend is doing the altar call however he didnt really budge. In the end i dont know why, he just raised his hand up. hah surprised i was. heh. btw around 50 to 60 youths came. oh ya they were from the sch we visited during our second day. We went back after the event. i reached hm around 130 am today. hah.

i've learnt much from this trip and i have yet to learn the lesson of obedience. oh well.

i've done something.. but i dont know if it's enough.